At What Point

For those of you who don’t live in the Philadelphia area, there has been a very big and almost unspeakably sad story in the news. It concerns 70 year old Dr. Kermit Gosnell. You can Google his name for the details, but the short summary is that he was charged with eight counts of murder in the deaths of a woman and seven third trimester babies. He allegedly killed 6^th, 7^th, and 8^th month viable babies by cutting their spinal cords with a pair of scissors. Those eight are the charges so far. Without going into the details, he was able to run a chamber of horrors for many years, while making an average of $15,000 a night. He also is alleged to have had a profitable side business writing Oxycontin prescriptions. If you live in the area, I'm sure you've heard about this story.

This is certainly not an antiabortion piece, nor is it about sick demented people. I realize that people who commit murder are in some way very ill, and were often abused as children. It's also not surprising that many sad, often terrified, neglected, and abused children turn into dysfunctional, heartless, and dangerous adults. But this man was a doctor. Without knowing his background, can we assume that he wasn't abused as a child? That he was in all likelihood an excellent student from a supportive family, who was able to stay on track, avoid temptations, and become an M.D.? My question is, where and how did he get so far off track? Was it a very gradual change which began with doing “just one thing” that was ethically questionable? Was the amount of (probably unreported) cash that was coming in enough to quickly turn him from a doctor to a monster? Was there some point where he felt that he had worked his whole live to get where he was, and deserved more and better?

On the spiritual side, you can think of people as having a True Spirit or higher self, which I believe is strongly supported by our hearts, and an ego which is supported by the thinking and logical side of the brain. For the sake of my point, I know I'm oversimplifying, but bear with me. When did this once young man who wanted to do good for the world and for an under served community (one of his life purposes supported by the heart) get taken over by his ego, which never gets enough? All of us have egos, and we all want recognition and nice things. There's a balance between the ego and our True Spirit which is different for everyone. Some have their ego in the driver's seat, with the Spirit helplessly along for the ride. Others are led by their Spirit with their ego present, but knowing its place. Most of us know where we'd like to be, but are constantly moving back and forth in the middle.

And I guess that's the question and the lesson. Where do we want to be? Are we here in this life to get every little bit that we can? Is that old bumper sticker, “Whoever has the most toys when they die, wins” really true? Or are we here to serve others, and give of ourselves? If we are always moving among different spots along the continuum, my suggestion is to try to stay closer to the side that gives. That's the place where you'll find real joy.